Journal 2018 Entry #3

 October 15

Today, I am proud of myself because I stop something that I do that makes me angry to myself. Now, I can already say to myself that I am now changing into someone that I can be proud of in the future. Yes, everyone also sees that I am changing, but I don't because I can see it to myself now. It's different because I now feel light and happy. I hope to continue it even though I know it is a little tricky because I am terrible at the temptation to do it. I have to remember that this is good and awful, and I can save time by doing important things to it. Like prioritizing my dreams over my wants, speaking of my goals this morning, I am apprehensive because I can concentrate on studying. I want to eat and watch dramas that learning, but I stop myself, so instead I take a nap so that I can focus after that, and it is effective because, after 2 hours of napping, I can concentrate on studying, and I feel that I am not learning but discovering something, I liked that feeling. I observed that I am more motivated and enjoy exploring than in my college days. I think because I like it and am desperate to achieve my dreams. Tomorrow is another discovery session. I am already excited, but I only have a few hours to study today because something comes out that I have to work out first. 

Tonight, I am writing late because I have to wait for someone to message me that they see the files I encoded. Yes, this is something that I worked on that interrupted my study time, and because I am a devoted daughter, I want her to tell me. Now, I am waiting for them to if they see and print it, but as expected, they are busy with other things than looking at what I send to them. I already know it, but I can just shut it down because I also have a conscience since they are old and habit that you can do things later. I am not them because I want to do it right away so I can review it to see if there is something wrong. Like I said, I am not like them, so I wait and make my time more meaningful ( I can think of the proper adjectives, sorry). I hope I do it correctly so I can sleep peacefully because I know myself if I think I do it wrong, I can sleep, and I blame myself and think that it will affect the future. I don't know why I am overthinking the small thing. It is my disease. I can control myself, overthinking the future and blaming myself and thinking if I do it correctly there is no problem and they lived happing ever after, hahaha, that funny. 

Moreover, right now, I want to deposit, but I don't want to because it is 10 pm and they are awake. I think at 11 pm I can do it. Please, I can share why because it is not essential, but now I believe it is the right time because I feel it and I feel dizzy, so see you tomorrow. Another day to 

share my whole day and improve my writing skills.

Your, 

Cathy