Journal 2018 Entry #4

 Oct 16

“Attention” is a word that makes the person confident like I am today. I am lucky if there is someone who gives me attention even if I didn’t request it. Yes, I always get the attention of someone, but I don’t know why I have? Why do I get their attention? One of them is my first love, “SJK” I got his attention on the first day we met; at first, I was not attractive to him, but even all my friends are beautiful to him because he is handsome, tall, and fair. Since then, I still have a crush on “Val,” and he has been the only one I am attracted to for over 7 years. It stops when I always see “SJK’ and know him more. Yes, he is the ideal man of all girls, and I am one of them. When I am into “Val,” my friends say he has a crush on me because he is always curious about me and gets my attention every time we meet. I didn’t believe them because I knew it was impossible since he was handsome and I was ugly, but in a few days, I little believe it because he always got my attention and gave me gestures that made me think he had a crush on me. In the past few days, I have desired to forget “Val” for a moment that we are together. One time, I just woke up saying that I loved him and wanted to be with him, but I also knew that it was impossible because he was a father and husband. Loving someone doesn’t mean that you want him to love you back. You are contented loving him in the distance, as I am doing at that time and now. I don’t want to tell him my feeling because I don’t want to disappear from these feelings. Someone said I am lucky because I felt this, and not all people think this. Someday when I meet my destiny, I will stop this feeling and let go of him in my heart. Now, I can’t love someone like him, but I’m not closing my heart to loving someone in the future. I hope I am ready to love and be loved when I meet him. So much for this unrequited love. Let go of the other happen this day. 

Today is my second day of forgetting my habits. I am happy, and I hope it will continue for several days. Also, I continue reviewing for Phisat and EPT. I think I am improving day by day and discovering myself more. I know this is simple and easy, but I am doing my best to get and understand it. Every time I review, I say to myself that I want it and need it to be like I want it in the future. This is the only sacrifice I have to make to achieve my goals. This is just simple compared to what I experienced in the past. If I can do it in the past now, I can do it since I have more time and motivation. You can do it, I believe in yourself even if nobody is. You want this, not them, so why do they have to make part of it. Just don’t think about anything but your goals. You only live once, so give everything you have. Makes every day memorable and productive in its own ways. Bye for now, see you tomorrow.


Your, 

Cathy

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